“Not by silence alone does one become a sage, if one is dull and ignorant. Like one holding a pair of scales, the wise one takes what is good and rejects what is evil.” From the Dhammapada, 19: 268 ~Tara Anand
As I read this enlightening article, I reflected on times I have used silence between myself and another wisely or unwisely. I had to acknowledge that my time in mindful reflection is almost always helpful. However, when I hold my thoughts to myself in trying to take the “pause” we speak about mindfully, I had to admit, there is a problem here in my work…
When am I mindfully pausing, in true honesty, to reflect and be respectful, in order to practice “restraint of tongue and pen?” That is, in times when I might speak out of turn, possibly hurt someone with my words, do I need to be silent, until I am at peace with myself and/or them?
Have I ever deliberately been silent as a punishment? Have there been times when silence felt self-satisfying? When might I have fallen into self-righteous silence, and taken silence a little further than was comfortable for my partner? I might have to examine this form of silence and take steps to balance the scales.
Have I ever used silence to avoid an issue? I found it is one thing to take time to reflect on an issue in mindfulness, seeking clarity. But what if an issue is difficult and/or emotional. Have I ever tended toward silence to avoid having to address it wit my friend or partner? What about in a work situation? I found the word avoidance floating into my contemplation time in this area.
How does confusion feed my avoidance or chase me from my silence? As I sat in mindfulness on this day, I saw that my confusion wanted to chase me from my sitting. How many times, I wondered, has this happened? I sat, breathing, watching my unsettled breath come and go, come and go, as I watched the unevenness of my breath. This time, I breathed through the unevenness. I observed my confusion like a sparrow, flitting back and forth, wanting to fly away. I sat breathing through, watching. I was so uncomfortable with my dishonesty with myself, I wanted to run off the cushion.
I learned in this short meditation time to watch for this discomfort and unevenness as a sign that I have something to learn.
Mindfulness is easy on one’s own. Mindfulness together can be a challenge.
Breathing in, I hold your hand, and try to sync my breath with yours. I don’t speak yet, just breathe. I watch your breath and breathe out with you.
Breathing in, I breathe in with you. Breathing out, I breathe out with you.
In this time, I listen and watch for your breath, your eyes, your movement.
I listen and reflect what you are saying. I sit with silence, digesting what you have said.
I do not avoid, but feel in my body and spirit what has been said.
Breathing in, I listen for what my body and soul feels.
Breathing out, I feel for what my response is. I feel with compassion for a response.
Breathing in, I formulate a compassionate response.
Breathing out, I respond in love. If there is no response yet, I say so in love.