Can Frustration Lead to Peace?
Can Frustration Lead to Peace?
15 May 2024 Daily Meditation
Meditators who are having a difficult time achieving a peaceful state of mind sometimes start thinking, “Here we go again, another hour of frustration.” But often something strange happens; although they are anticipating failure, they reach a very peaceful meditative state. ~Ajahn Brahm
Sitting down to my usual morning mindfulness time, I find myself restless and irritable. Something is eating at the edges of my mind. I pause, take out my daily meditation book, searching for something to soothe my mind. No luck. My brain simply will not be comforted. It feels like little ants are crawling about inside my head. After several minutes of self-talk about how annoying this all is, I decide to simply sit and observe.
My instruction over the years from may sources has told me in these situations, follow the breath. Breathing in, I observe my breath at my nostrils, feel it as it goes to my chest and my belly, rests, then, breathing out, I follow my breath, sighing, as it rushes out through my airway and out my mouth.
Once more, brething in through my nose, forcefully I feel the breath going down the back of my throat, down into my belly, trying to go deeper into my lungs, deeper into my belly, as I feel my resistance. I hold it for four counts, aware of the resistance of my body, breathing into the tight spots.
Ahhh, I release that tension that is caught in my belly, shoulders, chest as I release that breath slowly, allowing the breath to flow up my airway, bounce off the back of my throat and flow out of my mouth, carrying with it the tension I am attempting to release. I hold my emptiness for four counts before breathing in again, savoring the rest that is in the emptiness. I feel the emptiness for a second or two.
My counting allows me a bit of release from the busy-ness of my mind.
I continue this four square breath because it allows me blessed release from my mind. Breathing in for four, holding for four, breathing out for four, holding for four, and so on for four or five more times. Pretty soon I am relaxed enough to return to normal breathing and just notice my thoughts floating by like clouds.
I see my frustration with things not going the way I wish they were. Interesting, I didn’t realize I was so attached to that outcome. Returning to the breath. Now I see my worry for my daughter’s health, which I have no control over. Breathing, releasing. Now I see so many other things over which I have no control, and I sense the tension in my shoulders returning. I breathe into that area and say to my self, Let go, let go, on the next out breath.
Clouds going by, I release the things that I can’t control. I observe with a smile how I have picked all these things up. Wave good bye. Breathe. Now I see in my minds eye my dogs and cats and chickens playing, how free they are. Envious. Breathing. I smile. Why aren’t we all as free as the birds, my brain muses. Let go. Always returning to the breath.
I begin to open my eyes. It is still a gray day, but it seems a bit more peaceful. All is well.